Rainy Day Antics

We had a short thunderstorm this morning, but before the lightning got too close, I let the kids frolic in the rain. Rhiannon and William absolutely loved it, while Kara just stood on the deck shivering. Matthew didn't want to go out, but he doesn't like having wet clothes on anyway. Leia was at preschool this morning, so she missed out.

All in all, it was well worth the extra laundry!

Still alive, barely

This summer has been busier than I ever imagined it would be. The deployment is really starting to wear on me. Babysitters are not quite as reliable as I'd like, and the house is messier than ever.

For the last two days, I've felt awful. I don't really feel sick, and I don't have any specific symptoms. Just extreme exhaustion. I feel weak and achy and tired.

I hope I feel better soon. The kids need me. There's no one else here.

Sad news to report

It's been a while since I posted here. I really do want to write more often, but lately, things have been dragging me down.

Last week, one of my friends lost his 12-year-old daughter. I finished the simple quilt I started when I heard that she was going downhill fast, and I mailed it to the family as soon as I could. My friend was very grateful for it, and we talked online about the situation all weekend. When I learned that the visitation was going to be held on Monday, I decided to attend.

He has been my friend for nearly 30 years, although we lost touch with each other about six years into our friendship. The magic of Facebook allowed us to reconnect last year, and we've been enjoying writing to each other again. He is absolutely devastated right now, and I couldn't stay home while he suffered through all of this grief.

The kids weren't terribly happy about driving ten hours away from home just to attend a short visitation, but they got over it. Sure, it was stressful and a bit expensive, but the look on my friend's face when he saw me was well worth it. I'm glad I was also able to meet his wife for the first time, and she told me that she loved the quilt I made for her daughter.

My children have had a fairly easy life so far, and this was the first time that they came face-to-face with the reality of death. I know they had a hard time coping with that. After meeting my friend and paying our last respects to the girl, who was in an open casket, we wrote notes to the girl and attached them to a balloon. I let the kids play with the balloon for a little bit, then we let the balloon go. It's just such a sad situation. No parent should have to bury a child. It just doesn't seem right, and that's what makes it hurt so much more.

It's going to take us a while to recover from this trip. It's been pretty painful for all of us. We're home, we're healthy, and we've been saying, "I love you" to each other much more often.

I suggest you do the same. Tell your family members how much you love them now, because you never know when their time on this earth will be over.

A busy week

So far this week, we've had five dental checkups, two well-child checkups, and a short trip out of town.

That was all on Tuesday.

Yesterday, I discovered that one of my wonderful children had turned off the refrigerator sometime Tuesday. Everything in the freezer and refrigerator were warm by the time I discovered what happened yesterday afternoon. Yes, I threw out everything that might have spoiled, saving only the soda and the unopened jars of jelly and condiments.

Today, we were awakened by the sound of a post-hole digger tearing up our back yard. We now have fence posts! Tomorrow, we should have our fence. The kids are understandably excited about it.

Once the fence is installed, the contractor will be coming out to create an egress window in our basement. I'm not counting on it happening anytime soon, but then again, he might actually start next week. We'll see what he says once the fence is done.

I'm terribly busy for someone who stays home most of the time. I just need a vacation.

The wrong side of the bed

This morning, the kids slept in. It's cloudy here, and it kept the house darker than it normally is in the morning.

Matthew was the first to wake up, and he changed from the clothes he fell asleep in last night into a clean pair of pajamas. Then he went back to bed for a little while. The baby girls were next to wake up. They received breakfast and their favorite TV show.

All was peaceful. I was able to go back to bed and sneak in a few extra minutes of sleep.

Then Rhiannon woke up. All of a sudden, the noise level escalated to unbelievable proportions. She yelled at the babies for watching Bunnytown. She yelled at William for looking at her funny. Yes, she actually did that. She's been stomping through the house all morning, complaining and yelling. She stabbed William in the elbow with a pen because he was "bugging" her. Then she got mad at him for telling me the truth about it.

If this is any indication of what puberty is like for girls, no wonder my parents wanted me to spend so much time in my room!

Five Free Hours

As the spouse of a deployed service member, I can participate in a special military program that provides free day care for my children once a month. Five free hours of babysitting doesn't sound like much, but I can tell you that it's WONDERFUL!

For those five hours, I don't have to worry about money or the kids. I know that the kids are being cared for by trained child care providers in an actual child care center. Best of all, it's free, so even if money is tight, I can still have a break from the stresses of being a "single" mom.

Last month, I went to three quilt shops and rode my bicycle for five miles around the lake on a beautiful spring day. Pure heaven! Today, I ended up going to a home improvement store to look at fencing materials, then getting lunch at a fast food place and coming home.

The highlight of my afternoon was to TAKE A NAP UNDISTURBED!

I slept for about an hour and a half, and the only reason I woke up was because of my alarm (and the need to pick up my children). Was it really what I wanted to do with my free time? No. I wanted to do something I can't really do with the kids around. But after nearly two months of sleep deprivation, I was too tired to do anything fun.

The nap was nice, though.

Seven weeks later

We still don't have a fence.

It's depressing. I could have done the work myself by now. The weather has been pretty nice, and I know the kids would love to play outside, but I can't keep the little ones in our yard without a fence.

I wish the guy would hurry up and get it done. He said it would only take two days to install, but I have to wait until he has time to do it. He didn't tell me that I'd need to wait two full months for my fence if I hired him. I certainly would have hired someone else if I had known the truth up front, and he probably knew that. I need my fence more than I need a couple of hundred extra dollars at this point. He knew that my husband was deploying, and that I really, really needed the fence right away. He has until the end of next week to get it done. If I don't hear from him by next Friday, I'm calling someone else or doing it myself. Sorry, guy, but this is getting ridiculous.

The kids are going stir crazy right now. I don't blame them. I am, too. I just wish I felt better. I've been so tired lately that I'm almost useless as a mom, and I hate that. Somehow, someway, I need to get more sleep.

It's almost bedtime. The house is still a mess, and we have a babysitter coming over in the morning. I need to get moving.

I wish things were different.

Politics and Hatred

I really don't want my blog to turn into a political place. I want to keep it family-friendly and nice to read.

Recent events are really wearing me down, though.

Obviously, I'm angry and upset over the whole abortion debate. Anecdotes are coming in from all over the country that people are CELEBRATING the murder of Dr. Tiller. What kind of people celebrate murder? To me, that is sickening on so many levels. Do they honestly believe that God and Jesus are on their side? They must think that since Jesus died for their sins, that gives them the right to keep on sinning. Hey, they're "forgiven," right? Everything will be okay, because they believe!

Excuse me while I throw up.

Another blog post I read this morning claims that the foreskins of newborn boys are sold to cosmetic companies by the doctors performing the circumcisions. Who believes that nonsense? Apparently, a lot of people do. These "intact" groups don't have any real research or statistics on their sides, so they have to make up garbage like that to convince people not to circumcise their baby boys. Never mind that circumcised boys have much lower rates of urinary tract infections and cancer, and that they are less susceptible to HIV and HPV infections. ALL we care about is keeping our sons' foreskins from being sold to COSMETIC COMPANIES!

Reading something on a website does NOT mean that what you are reading is the TRUTH!

I wish that our country was more united than it is right now. I'm beginning to understand how people felt during the Civil War. Political issues are dividing families and trying to force people to choose sides. These days, you're either Left or Right, Democrat or Republican, Blue or Red. Politicians are no longer allowed to tell the truth about their beliefs. Can you imagine the outcry if a pro-choice Republican chose to run for office right now? His or her own political party would be the first to skewer that person! It's really sad.

The world is not black and white. There are shades of grey (and a rainbow of colors) everywhere. Why can't people just accept that?

Snuggle time!

I woke up this morning to the sound of Kara screaming in her bedroom. I raced in there to find her on the floor, kicking and screaming and obviously horribly upset about something. Maybe she had a nightmare or a night terror or something. I scooped her up and held her close to me, and she settled down pretty quickly.

Since Leia was still asleep, and since Kara was still upset, I carried Kara to my bed. I tried to lay her down next to me, but she just climbed back up onto my chest and promptly fell asleep.

As uncomfortable as it is for me to lay on my back with 30 pounds of toddler on my chest, it was wonderful just to hold her for the hour or so that she slept there.

It won't be much longer before my baby is no longer a baby. I'm really going to miss mornings like this one.

My God, what has happened to our country?

Yesterday, a doctor was murdered at his church by a man known to be rabidly "pro-life." One of my sisters-in-law posted on her Facebook page that she was disgusted by this domestic terrorist, as well as by the radical right-wing talking heads who dehumanized the doctor over the years.

One of her friends posted this in reply: "He certainly is not a respected member of a legitimate pro-life group. But I didn't read anything about the shooter belonging to an organization that promotes hate or "is feedling rhetoric to whoever listens." Is he part of some organized fringe group? I haven't heard that. And the pro-abortion side is guilty of systematic and institutionalized promotion on a national scale of unspeakable crimes as well - like enabling child sexual abuse http://www.childpredators.com/ReadReport.cfm Wouldn't you like to say, "But this ain't in our club?" Unless you believe it is representative of how the pro-abortion movement desires. It's certainly arguable that a large corportation like Planned Parenthood that shelters pedophiles is contributing to the problem , but we can't touch that sacred cow. And I know all about the doctor's history, he's a strong pro-abortion figure."

My reply was simply, "Who is stupid enough to believe that shit?"

To this day, I had never heard of Planned Parenthood sheltering pedophiles. You know why? Because they don't do that! They provide birth control and women's health services to women who are unable to get those services elsewhere, usually due to lack of insurance. But there are so many people in this country who really are stupid enough to believe whatever they are told, without regard to the truth.

God, whatever happened to intelligence?

Bicycling season is here

Too bad it's going to take some serious finagling to get any time in the saddle this summer. The kids just don't know how to behave in the evenings, so I'm going to need to get my miles in first thing in the morning.

I am NOT a morning person.

However, I miss riding my bike more than I hate getting up in the mornings, so I guess I need to drag myself out of bed. Sunrise is around 6 a.m. this time of year, so that would be a good time to sneak out of the house. Rhiannon is old enough to keep the kids under control during breakfast; none of them are overly active in the mornings, so we'll see how things work out.

I stopped at the bike shop on my way home from Matthew's baseball game today, and I picked up a couple of CO2 cartridges and some new handlebar tape for my bike. For those of you non-cyclists out there, the CO2 cartridges fit into a device that will fill up my tires if they go flat during a ride. I don't like to ride without at least one of them in my saddle bag, because walking alongside my bike for five miles is a lot more work than just riding my bike.

The handlebar tape I bought is a fairly close color match to my bike's cherry red frame. The tape I have on my handlebars right now is bubble gum pink, the same as my wheel rims, but it's starting to show signs of wear and needs to be replaced. I don't know when I'll get around to changing out the tape, but at least I have it when I need it.

I've been reading my new Adventure Cycling magazine, and I'm really enjoying the articles about cycling in different countries and in our own. The feature article is about a Canadian couple who cycled the Ring of Fire (basically, they went around the Pacific Ocean), and the author of another article traces the route taken by John Wilkes Booth after he shot President Lincoln.

There are so many places I want to see and so little time.

Time is flying by again

My days are running together more and more as this deployment continues. Maybe it's a function of not getting enough sleep, or maybe it's just the monotony of my life right now.

Get the kids up for school (on school days, obviously).
Ensure that everyone eats breakfast.
Change the little ones and get them dressed.
Supervise playtime or TV-time until lunch.
Fix lunch.
Put Matthew on the school van at 11:30 on school days.
Herd Leia and Kara into their bedroom for resting/nap time.
Eat my own lunch, if I haven't already.
Run upstairs and get as much quilting done as possible.
Get Matthew off the school van around 2:50, and release the girls at the same time.
Leave the front door unlocked, so the older kids can come in after school
Snack time.
Play time.
Dinner time.
Bath time.
Chore time for Rhiannon and William.
Reading time for the kids.
Bedtime for the kids.
Chore time for Mommy.
Bedtime for Mommy.
Repeat daily.

Our contractor is supposed to be here today to install our fence posts. I can't wait! School gets out for the summer on Friday, and a fence will become a necessity at that point. I want the kids to spend as much time as possible outside this summer. It's good for them.

I broke down and bought Crocs for the kids the other day. I ordered them online through the company's outlet store. I would much rather have traditional shoes for my kids, but I'm tired of their good quality sneakers being ruined by mud. I'll get each of them some decent-looking shoes for going out, but for playing in the backyard, the Crocs will be good. Easy-to-clean is a good attribute for kids' shoes to have. I'm hoping that they will last long enough to take to Disney World this winter, since the kids want to play in the pools there in between days at the parks.

Matthew and Leia are arguing over the TV. "Bunnytown!" "No Bunnytown!" "Want Bunnytown!" "No Bunnytown!" "Want Bunnytown on!" "No, Bunnytown off!" Does sibling fighting ever end?

An excused absence

Normally, I try to blog daily. Even if it's just to pop in and say hello.

Monday was one of the worst days on record for me. Rhiannon was diagnosed with strep, and the antibiotics worked wonders. I love modern medicine! She's finally back in school, and I'm happy that she's feeling so much better.

Unfortunately, it turns out that strep was the least of my worries. While I was cooking dinner Monday evening, William accidentally fell on Leia and broke Leia's lower leg. I spent three hours in the ER with her, getting x-rays and a full-length leg cast, and we've been fussing over her ever since. Poor baby!



Today is going to be a busy day for me. First, I need to clean the house. I've been neglecting it more than normal this week, and although I know I have an excuse for doing so, it's time to get it clean again. This afternoon, I'm giving a quilting presentation to Rhiannon's class at school. Then I will come home and spend some significant time fixing my quilting machine and getting some quilts ready to go. I guess I'd better get moving.

Germs!

It's springtime, which seems to be a common time for my kids to get sick.

Rhiannon spent much of the afternoon laying on the couch, wrapped in a quilt while she watched TV. At dinner, she was unusually listless and didn't eat much, so I took her temperature. Not surprisingly, she had a fever of 102.8 degrees. I gave her some medicine and sent her to bed. If she's still feverish tomorrow, she's staying home from school. She hates missing school, so she went to bed early without complaint.

I'm going to do as much housework as I can tonight, just in case I get sick tomorrow. These bugs seem to come on quickly, and I certainly don't want to be caught off-guard.

I still plan on being in bed by 10 tonight. I need my rest.

Guess I'd better start cleaning the house

I made the house halfway presentable this afternoon, in preparation for Leia's teacher's arrival. Thankfully, it was still in decent shape when one of my neighbors wanted to stop by and see my quilting machine.

However, there were broken crackers on the floor and dirty kids' clothes scattered all over the place. The lady probably thinks that I'm a complete slob all of the time.

No, my kids are slobs. And I've given up trying to force them to help keep the house clean.

I need to get better about this, though. I really do want people to feel comfortable when they come over, even if the house isn't perfect. It should be a lot nicer than it is.

Still too much clutter.

FlyLady, where are you? We have an emergency here!

Tuesday

It's garbage day, so this morning was punctuated by the sound of garbage trucks. We're supposed to have thunderstorms this afternoon, and the day just seems rather gloomy so far.

Do you have one child who can't seem to get motivated for school? William is like that. He and Rhiannon stayed up too late last night, but Rhiannon got up and bounced off to school this morning. I literally dragged William down the stairs. Once he got dressed and had some breakfast, he was okay, but he may have been tardy this morning. Hopefully, he will get more rest tonight.

Yesterday was the two-year home anniversary. I celebrated by buying the trees we are required to plant on our property. Technically, the trees were supposed to be planted by yesterday, but the homeowner's association can just wait a few more days. The trees are in their planters on my front and back porches right now, and I'm just waiting for the fence to be installed before I plant them. One of my bicycle friends has been here longer than I have, and he doesn't have any trees on his lot. I should be safe from the association for a while.

I picked out a flowering plum tree for the front yard, in memory of the huge plum tree Grandma and Grandpa had in their front yard in California. Theirs was a fruit-bearing tree, but I distinctly remember Grandma complaining about the huge amount of fruit that the tree produced. It was much more than they could possibly use, even with the huge extended family Grandma had living near her house. So I opted for a an ornamental plum tree instead. I'll get pretty flowers but no fruit to clean up.

For our back yard, I bought a dwarf red delicious apple tree. I didn't want a full-sized tree back there, because our yard is really small as it is. This one will produce fruit, but since the tree isn't going to be very big, it should provide just enough apples for the kids to snack on without causing me any headaches. I think my neighbor has an apple tree (she has several fruit trees in her front yard), so our trees will be able to cross-pollinate each other and produce more fruit.

I've been really obsessed with quilting lately. I read quilting magazines and books while eating, and every chance I get, I run upstairs to work on my quilts. I'm keeping the house sanitary, but it's horribly cluttered right now. Since I rarely have guests, I'm not too concerned about it. Quilting is keeping me sane. That's all I care about at the moment.

Weekend stress

Because it's the weekend, I let Rhiannon and William stay up late last night. Both are overtired today, and they are taking out their exhaustion on everyone around them.

I'm tired, too. I try to go to bed at a decent time, but it's hard to sleep here alone. Lately, I've been having nightmares about men capturing me or breaking into the house. I hate this whole deployment thing.

I've been trying to quilt as much as possible, just to keep me from going insane. Quilting is the only thing that I'm able to focus on that doesn't cause me a great deal of stress. The housework and the kids are not relaxing to deal with right now, and yes, I feel like an awful mother for saying that. Unfortunately, it's due to the fact that they are stressed out about Daddy's deployment, too, but I'm the one bearing the brunt of their stress. No wonder I need to quilt so much right now!

Shopping with toddlers

After Matthew got on the van for preschool, I took the baby girls to the base to get some shopping done.

Never again.

Kara was very tired, since she normally naps right after Matthew goes to school. By the time we got done picking up new shoes and some groceries, Kara reached the end of her rope. She screamed bloody murder all the way home.

Did you know that it's very difficult to concentrate on driving when a very loud little girl is screaming at you?

By the time we got home, I quickly unloaded both girls and tucked them into their respective beds. Thankfully, I was smart enough to make the beds before we left! Both of them went to sleep, and I had a few minutes of peace and quiet before Matthew arrived.

I didn't get much done here at home, since I had to go out this afternoon. Our older babysitter did pretty well with the kids, although William did have some problems (mostly related to his older sister, who just can't seem to keep from torturing him). She's going to watch the kids Tuesday night, so I can attend a quilt guild meeting, and she will also watch the kids on the 16th, when I'm going to go ride my bike (and socialize with adults) for a couple of hours or so. I don't plan on escaping this much for the rest of the summer, but it's nice to get out once in a while.

Spring is in the air

The weather has been increasingly pleasant lately. Not too hot, not too cold. Wonderful spring weather.

Of course, the kids want to go outside. If I accidentally leave a door unlocked, they will run outside and laugh as I chase them back into the house. Unfortunately, we still don't have a fence. I keep hoping to see the utility companies in my yard each day, but so far, nobody has come over to mark the utility lines. Until that happens, the fence can't be installed. I will be thankful if he gets it set up by the end of the month, when school is out for the summer.

William and I have decided to get a small golden delicious apple tree for our back yard. The local hardware store has one for under $30, and it's already blooming, despite it's small size (under five feet tall right now). I plan on getting a flowering plum tree for the front yard, although that one is already 7' high. It's going to be interesting transporting that home in my mini-van! My plan is to buy the trees now and store them until the utility companies mark up my lawn. Then I can safely dig holes for the new trees without worrying about hitting anything underground. I do need to buy the trees soon, though, so they don't get sold out from under me. We're required to have the trees this year, since it's been two years since we bought the house.

If the money situation works out, I'd like to get a wooden play system installed for the kids. The company usually has discounted models for sale, so it's just a matter of finding one that will work in our sloped backyard. I think the slope issue will be the deal-breaker for us, since our backyard is far from level. And it's small. We'll see what happens.

I keep getting registration forms in the mail for many of the local bicycle rides (affectionately known as "t-shirt" rides, because you get a t-shirt for registering). I am going to sign up for a few of them, despite my lack of training this spring. It will force me to get on my indoor trainer and work out daily, just so I don't embarrass myself on the trails. It will also give me some time to myself, away from the kids and out in the sunshine. I need that. For now, I need to re-install my bicycle computer and get my bike back on the trainer.

What an AWESOME day!

I took the kids to the base day care today for the monthly "Give Parents A Break" program. While they were being watched by professional child care providers, I was able to completely relax for the first time since Steve left.

I visited three of my favorite local quilt shops (I went to the fourth one last night), and then I came home. After changing into my cycling gear, I took my bicycle out for a circuit around the lake. It was absolutely wonderful! I took a quick shower after returning home, then I picked up the children, drove through Taco Bell, fed everyone dinner, bathed the babies, and put the littlest ones down for the night. Rhiannon and William are now outside, playing with their friends, and I am about to enjoy some quiet quilting time.

Steve will be waking up soon, so I'm going to spend time upstairs while I can.

Hatred and Fear

I've noticed something in the last several months. The level of hatred in this country seems to have escalated. A certain segment of our population is being driven into a frenzy by their leaders, and these poor people are taking out their fear and hatred on everyone around them.

I received an e-mail yesterday by someone who doesn't know me personally. She just knows that I'm a Democrat who is proud of our new President and his family. She's gathered a few things from comments I've made, and from that, she assumes that she knows all about me.

She called me pro-abortion because she heard that I think that women should be trusted to make the choices that they need to make. No, I am not pro-abortion. I would LOVE to see the day when nobody needs to get an abortion. But for that to happen, we need to throw out "abstinence-only" sex education and make access to contraception easy for everyone, even for teenagers. We also need to make rape, incest, and sexual abuse go away. Oh, and spousal abuse has to be a thing of the past, too. I almost forgot poverty! That will have to fixed, as well. And medical problems! The list goes on. Our world is not perfect, and it's certainly not black and white. The thing that bothers me most about the so-called "pro-life" movement is the fact that they think the woman is not important. It doesn't matter what the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy may be. All that matters to these people is that the embryo be allowed to live. Whether the mother is a ten-year-old girl abused by an older man, or a married woman raped by a stranger, it doesn't matter to those people. How can they call themselves "pro-life" if they don't care about the mother? Isn't she alive? Isn't she a person?

How many of these so-called "pro-life" people have used the term, "welfare queen" to describe a woman with too many children and not enough money? How many of these people want to abolish welfare, food stamps, and WIC for the same women who are being forced to stay pregnant? Can you see the hypocrisy here?

The woman who e-mailed me yesterday also told me that I need to grow up and learn that being around people with opposing viewpoints is part of life, and that I shouldn't teach my children that the way to deal with people I disagree with is to walk away and ignore them. I have a lot of friends who are Republicans and consider themselves to be "pro-life." I'm not walking away from them. But they were my friends long before I knew about their political leanings, and they don't beat their beliefs over my head on a daily basis. We just agree to disagree over the President and all things political, and we don't really discuss things that cause us anger and stress.

When I remove myself from a situation that's getting too heated, it's not because I'm some sort of coward or because I am immature. It's because I have enough stress in my life as it is, and there's no reason to get in a political discussion with a relative stranger just for the fun of it. I know my limits. Sure, at one point of my life, I would have enjoyed discussing things with people who are on the other side of the aisle. That time is not now.

Certain radio and TV personalities have become so full of vitriol that the average Republican is becoming afraid of everything. They think that their taxes are going up, just because someone told them that their taxes are going up. Do they bother to research it? No, they just assume that these personalities are telling them the truth. What they don't seem to realize is that the taxes on the rich are going up (more accurately, the tax cuts given to the rich by GWB are being allowed to expire), and the TV and radio personalities are going to have to pay their fair share of taxes now. Of course they don't like that! So they spout a bunch of nonsense about tea parties and encourage the average American (who doesn't know better) to "protest" the increased taxes. What's most unfortunate is that these personalities are causing the average listener to become fearful of all things "liberal." Liberals are to blame for all of our country's ills. Liberals are trying to take your guns away. Liberals are evil. Liberals are stupid. Etc., etc., etc. I feel badly for the listeners. Imagine listening to nothing but hate talk and fear mongering every day of your life. "The purpose of Newspeak was not only to provide a medium of expression for the world-view and mental habits proper to the devotees of Ingsoc, but to make all other modes of thought impossible." Appendix, Nineteen Eighty-Four.

If I'm going to survive this deployment, I need to keep a positive outlook on life, and I need to surround myself with people with whom I can relate. It also means distancing myself from certain friends. If they truly care about me, they will understand and respect my reasons. If not, well, I guess our friendship wasn't as strong as I had hoped.

Okay, I'm done ranting about this. Time to enjoy today!

Blog changes

This isn't the template that I really wanted to use. That's over at my review blog. But that pretty one didn't go well with my BlogHer ads, and I figured that it would be better to use it on a page that isn't allowed to have ads on it.

However, I think this one is a good match for the name of my blog. What's more chaotic than a thunderstorm? I'll be doing more tweaks when I have time. I want to change some of the fonts, for instance, and some of the colors.

I've been busy quilting here lately. Trying to get a million things done at once, while still keeping the kids fed, clothed, and halfway clean. The kids aren't making it easy, but that's okay. We'll survive.

Lesson Learned

Never adjust the template of your blog without a full back up!

I found a gorgeous template that I really want to use for my blog, but I had trouble getting it to work here correctly, and it erased some of my data in the process. I'm going to do some adjustments "offline," and if I can work out the tweaks, I'll post it here.

Or I'll just create a new blog altogether.

Quilting day

I was able to make significant progress on my quilts today. I am almost done piecing the flag quilt for my former commander, and I did some quick strip-piecing on Annette's and Lauren's Rail Fence quilts. After dinner, I squeezed in some longarm time, too, so I am quite happy with what I accomplished in my quilting loft today.

Steve will be getting up soon, so I'm going to get my chores done now. I want to be able to chat with him online, if he wakes up early enough to sign on before breakfast and work.

At a crossroads

My birthday was a week ago. I've been thinking about my future a lot lately. Part of that is due to my age, and part of that is due to Steve's constant talk of his life after retiring from the military. My littlest baby will be two next month, which means that she'll be in school full-time in three years. Before- and after-school programs are considerably cheaper than full-time day care slots, which means that I can go back to work and actually keep most of my paycheck in three short years!

Now what do I do?

One of my goals from my high school years was to work at NASA. When my ex and I divorced, I started working towards two degrees, one in mathematics and one in astrophysics. Well, life got in the way of that, and while I have no significant regrets, I do wonder where I can go from here.

Supposedly, Steve may be able to transfer his educational benefits to me, starting in August. We're not sure how this will work out, but if it's possible, that will give us enough money to pay for college and maybe even day care. I would LOVE to go back to school! But to get the degree I want, I'll be starting as a sophomore, if not a freshman (depending on how many of my previous classes will transfer), which won't be easy. However, without the typical distractions of youth, I may be able to finish a four-year degree in considerably less time, and if I work really hard, I might be able to earn my graduate degrees a little more quickly, too.

But entering the workforce around age 50 is going to be a challenge, no matter how you look at it. Our society does not value wisdom and life experience. I could write the doctoral dissertation of the century, and I probably won't get hired because I'm "old," and because I'm a woman in a male-dominated field.

Should I just give up? Are my goals unrealistic? Or should I go for the ultimate challenge, and even if I don't get hired, I'll know that I tried?

My oldest daughter

I bought new clothes for Rhiannon today. I guessed on the size, and although I'm not happy with the style of the shorts (what's with the stupid trend to have low-riding shorts on little girls anyway?), she's happy with her summer wardrobe.

The only thing I purchased that doesn't fit is the sundress. It fits her around the top, but it's incredibly short on her. She's so much taller than average that I can no longer buy her dresses from normal stores. We're going to stick with separates from now on.

My baby is growing up too quickly!

We have way too much stuff!

I spent a couple of hours in the basement this afternoon, trying to get it ready for the contractor to install the egress window.

I'm finding boxes that haven't been unpacked since we moved from Oklahoma City, which was more than NINE YEARS ago! Worse, I'm discovering that my husband has been quietly buying all sorts of stuff, only to put it down in the basement and forget about it. Some of his eBay purchases haven't even been removed from the shipping boxes, and in a few cases, the shipping boxes haven't even been opened! How my dear husband knows whether or not he received what he ordered is beyond me, but I'm guessing that he took the sellers at their word.

Not exactly my way of doing things, but I've known for a long time that he and I are two very different people.

Did you know that the movers hired by the military to move military families are required to pack EVERYTHING in the house? Yes, even the trash. Even the broken junk you thought you had thrown away. I experienced many "what the heck?!?" moments today. Some of the stuff should never have been purchased in the first place, and it certainly didn't need to follow us through all of our government moves since then.

I am making some progress downstairs. I can see more of the bare concrete floor than I could last week. It feels good to get things accomplished. I just wish that I didn't have to do all of this by myself. Although, if I left it up to Steve, who knows what I would find the next time I sort through our stuff.

We're surviving

It's not easy being a military family.

The kids really miss their father. I really miss my husband. Things that we used to do aren't done anymore. Everyone just feels off. Like the world has shifted and left us struggling to find our place in it again.

I have so much to do that I'm frustrated at the lack of hours in the day, and I'm jealous of my children's seemingly endless energy. I'm not sleeping well at night, which isn't helping.

Summer is almost here, and I want to start wearing shorts again. Time to start exercising, because I'm heavier now than I've ever been (without being pregnant). Fortunately, tomorrow is supposed to be a nice day, so I'm taking the baby girls for a walk after Matthew goes to school. I'm loading up my iPod with some good exercising music, and we'll be ready to go right after lunch!

For today, I'm cooking dinner then heading back to the basement. I have a LOT of stuff to sort through and re-pack in preparation for the window installation later on this month. Of course, I'd rather quilt, but the basement has to take priority for now.

Soon, I'll be able to quilt more often. I hope.

One babysitter down

While I was gone yesterday, William had one of his meltdowns. He ended up spitting on Matthew, throwing baskets down the stairs, and generally causing all sorts of headaches for the babysitter.

I wish she had called me! I had no idea that she was having so much trouble with my son, and I would have come home earlier if she had told me about his actions.

Fortunately for me, she's willing to watch the younger three this afternoon, but I won't be asking her to come back after the way William treated her. I will force him to apologize to her today, and I will explain to her that William is very upset about his dad being gone. It doesn't excuse his actions, of course, but it does make them a little more understandable.

I'm not very happy about having to take William to the baton studio this afternoon. Rhiannon has been helping me out a lot, and she deserved a little mother-daughter time. Oh well. I'll make it up to her later.

I was able to talk to Steve yesterday, both on the cell phone and online. We were able to have a video call through our laptops late last night, and that was very nice. Kara was still awake, and she really enjoyed seeing her Daddy on the computer. Better than nothing, I guess.

Shopping Day

I hired a young babysitter from down the street to come over this morning and watch the kids for four hours today. I just want to go shopping without dragging everyone with me. I'm going to a few local quilt shops, as well as the grocery store.

I just wish it wasn't raining.

The babysitter is going to come back tomorrow afternoon, so I can take Rhiannon to her baton studio for pictures. It will be nice to be able to help her change outfits without having four other children running around the studio.

I'm so tired today. Steve hasn't called yet, and I woke up at 3:30 a.m., wondering why he hasn't contacted me. I know he's probably just trying to get settled in, but you'd think that the guy he's replacing would at least help him make a phone call. I hope everything is okay.

The kids are being pretty good so far this morning. I hope that they will continue to be good for the babysitter. I hope she will want to come back after this weekend! Good babysitters are hard to find. We'll see how it goes. If anything bad happens, at least her mom is just a few houses down the street and can come help out while I rush home.

Purple for Maddie

Blogs around the internet are changing to purple right now, in memory of Maddie. I don't know the whole story, nor do I know the family, but it hurts like crazy to think of a child dying.

If you can, donate to the March of Dimes in honor of little Maddie and all babies who are born prematurely or with birth defects.